Shipwrecks of the Past

Dealing with your Shipwrecks of the Past

When people share their troubles with me, I almost always hear the same thing—whatever has just happened to them reminds them of something that happened in the past.  So, whatever troubles are new are piled higher with the past.  The result?  The fear to set sail again.  Safer to stay at anchor and never venture out again! 

 

Look at the  photo. Painted into the Maine granite is the shipwreck of the past--1886!  Never forgotten, always carried in the present, looming up in the future.  

The picture was shot off Portland Head Light, first light commissioned by the Continental Congress.  The wreck happened in     .  A lot of maritime safety equipment and procedures are in place. We ought to sail easier, right?  Well, get out in a nor’easter and a roaring sea off the coast of Maine, and you will recall this ship wreck.  This specific example suggests that no matter how we have matured and cope with life in new ways, the shipwrecks of our past go with us.  

From my experience, we do not loose those memories.  What we gain is confidence to cope or mastery over them.  We do that by changing the filter by which we interpret those experiences for ourselves.  Change the filter…..  

I am working from Albert Ellis—and his wonderful book, How to Keep People from Pushing your Buttons.  He could also have titled it, How to Keep the Past from Pushing Your Panic Button.  

Here’s his theory, respected in state of the art practice of psychology:

Experiences do not evoke our fear or panic directly.  

We each have a filter or“grid” through which our experiences pass. The filter interprets our experiences for us. Often these filters come from our past—and stay locked in place unless we change them.

Example:  If you are severely allergic to bee stings, then the sight of a honey bee landing on you innocently can be instant panic.  However, if you are not allergic, then you have little response.  What evokes the response is the filter, not the bee.  Same bee.  Different reactions because of the filter.   

Once you get this “concept,” then your work is cut out for you.  Figure out the filter you have in place from the past—and change it!  (ie I carry an Epi-Pen, so even if I can stung, I will be alright.  The bee is a moderate threat—not a mortal one.)  

This is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  (or CBT) The way we think creates emotions.  Our feelings are derived from the way we think about things.

If this interests you, then get Ellis’ How to Keep People from Pushing your Buttons.  The first few chapters clearly outlines the concept.  The remaining chapters apply it.  

It’s also changed my life.  I don’t fear shipwrecks anymore. I have learned how to walk away from them even when they still happen!